The Adventures of Sargent Stronzo and Private Pene
by fire-emblem-girl
Summary: The everyday life and conflicts of two guards patrolling Venice and trying not to get stabbed in the face by Ezio. It's a tough job but someone's gotta do it. OCs, OCs everywhere.
1. Chapter 1

The sun was high and Antonio cursed at it-the heat he could handle but the sun, the mutinous sun made him growl at it with irritation. And it _smelled_. He could say with confidence that he had never smelled something as awful as Venice's canals, wealthy and peaceful as the city was. It made him gag whenever he had to pass over a bridge but at the very least he could hide his reaction from his teammates for the most part when they weren't complaining themselves about the stench.

"If people would stop dumping their shit into the canals it would stink less," another militia muttered to himself.

"If you would all shut up it would feel less shitty to be here," yet another said over his shoulder.

"Engage in your games all you like, bastardo, but it will not help anyone," the first shoved the man in front of him and Antonio wondered who had thought that it would be a good idea to travel in such a tight pack in a hot and smelly place as Venice.

Before a fight had a chance to break out their leader grabbed them both and smacked their heads together, "stai zitto, stronzi. May that knock some sense into your senseless heads."

The two stumbled back, clutching their foreheads and yelling swears at their leader. Antonio wondered where they had gotten the coglione to take a tone with a higher ranking man but he said nothing, resisting the urge to wring his hands. He had heard the stories of what they did to men who spoke out of turn and he had no interest in being killed. Especially not by some sort of lottery system. _We are more likely to kill each other than to be murdered by any assassin. That has to be a tale someone has made up and even if it were not he is not here anyway. _Regardless, he did not expect to be spending much time alone-_it is better to be safe rather than sorry even if these idiots are more liability than ally. _

They followed a patrol route outlined by the head of the militia that took them through the Castello district and to the outskirts of San Marco then back again as if any of the men in the group would be completing the entire trip every day. _Within twenty minutes I saw two guards lounging on benches and talking to the courtesans. _To say Venice was not what he had been expecting would be an understatement. But he would be paid and provided with a place to sleep so he could find no true faults with working in the city; without much excitement or not.

Eating should have been a relaxing experience. Should have been. _Is not. _The other men had taken to throwing scraps of food at each other like children to stealing each others toys. He thought it had ended when an olive pit smacked him in the side of the face. It had spit on it and clung wetly to his face for a moment before falling to the table. He opened his mouth to yell for the culprit to show himself but the man in question removed the need for such things after proudly crowing that the hit had counted as 100 points.

Then he nodded at Antonio with a stupid smirk, "you are from Florence?"

"And what if I am, stronzo?"

The man popped another olive into his mouth and elbowed the man next to him, "told you."

If he hadn't made a promise to himself that he wouldn't get himself killed he would have fought him in an instant but as it stood he _had _made that promise and so stayed firmly rooted to his chair. His mouth on the other hand remained willing to argue even if he couldn't physically fight. "What do you have against Florence?"

"Nothing," a light shrug, "you just seem Florentine."

_I can see my thoughts are wasted on him. I doubt he has any of his own to begin with. _With that he went back to eating even despite the bastard continuing to spit his pits at him. _If one of us has to be killed as an example, God, make it him. _

They rose with the sun or at least most of them did. He noticed a couple of men laying about on their bedrolls still dead asleep and stepped over them. The barracks where they would be staying until they got their own rooms ideally in the midst of the Castello district. He had heard the personal guards of the Barbagio did not sleep far from the head of the family himself and if that was indeed true... _I hope they do not intend to make me one of those. If they are targets of the assassino I want nothing to do with them. _Halfway through the thought he realized he had started to regard the assassin as real though he knew nothing in particular about him. Back in Florence they had said he was the son of a banker who had been killed but those were likely just stories for minstrels to write stupid songs about. Besides, there was a decided lack of proof as to his existence and whereabouts.

After using the bathroom he donned his uniform; a long sleeved shirt with green and black stripes, a pair of heavy pants and leather armour, on his head he placed a green beret. He looked utterly stupid. His own mother would have laughed. After looking at the others though he didn't feel so bad. Besides, he was there to do a job not look like the subject for a painting and also he didn't want to preen too much lest he hear more calls of "Florentiiine". _It began to get out of hand when they all refused to sleep near me. And it is all that bastardo's fault._

Again the sun sat high in the sky and he wanted to complain to someone about it however seeing as the others gave him a wide berth other than when they wanted to get close for the laughs he kept his mouth shut. It felt like childhood all over again. The taunts, the desire to fight just about everyone around him and the lack of a backbone to actually do anything about it. God, maybe he should have just given up and apprenticed to some old man back in his youth and learned to do something useful like painting or carving or making armour for idiots like the ones he currently lived and worked with. Their leader for the most part seemed to play the part of ass kisser to anyone of higher rank than himself who they ran into and 10 minutes into their training Antonio already felt boredom taking hold. Why hadn't he just gotten married to some farm girl and become a farmer? It would have been so easy and yet here he stood waiting his turn to spar with his peers. They had been lined up in two lines with a partner across from themselves but the number was odd and Antonio found himself without anyone to fight. A shame because he was ready to after all of their abuse. He would have relished hitting them with a stick, really.

The armsmaster called him forward, and he responded slowly having baked in the sun for a good 15 minutes already but raised his blunted sword at the barked order to do so. His fellow trainees laughed heartily at how easily the old man knocked the weapon from his hand-_laugh all you like but I am sure you would not be so good at it either. _With hurt pride he retreated back to the line to wait for someone else to spar, their teacher apparently deciding that he hadn't enough skill to fight even in jest with the master of arms.

Over the span of their training they learned everything from swords to fist fighting though they only got 6 Sundays worth of it so his grasp on the weapons part of battle was weak at best. Of course he had intended to learn fencing as a child however his mother had told him stories of people being terribly maimed thus killing any drive he'd had to learn the skill. Everyone else it seemed, had not had that problem so for the 6th Sunday in a row he nursed a particularly large bruise on his chest and the arm's master growled at him that his showing weakness would be the death of him. _Perhaps if everyone would stop jabbing me in the same spot with their swords I would not have such a problem. _He said nothing though and just nodded, hoping that he would learn better while he was actually patrolling Venice. He had heard the others talking of how peaceful the city was however and hoped against all of his sense that there would be no problems that would require he stab anyone with any real deadly intent.

As he had done the first day he returned to the barracks and applied balm on his aching muscles before sitting down with a book. He had found the book merchant fairly quickly but only because they had happened to pass it on patrol-the man there frowned at him when he bought books by Florentine authours but otherwise said nothing. _I do not see what the issue is people have with Florence here and elsewhere. It is not as if I am saying Firenze is better than Venezia. I only think it. I am certain he cannot read my thoughts. Christo, he cannot, can he? No, that is stupid. _The next time he went he would be sure to buy other books. _If I show him loyal patronage he will stop scowling at me...I hope. _

His room was no beauty nor did it have much room for anything other than a bed and desk but it would do for sleeping at least. He still moved, though-the place was freezing even in the beginning of the fall. The tradeoff for the warmth of the sun was the stench of the canals but his nose had begun to get used to it, a fact he wasn't sure he was happy about. Perhaps he would be unable to smell anything else ever again.

As he sat in the courtyard he could hear the other men running about roughhousing and playing games-his eyes remained firmly on the words of his novel. He didn't want to be friends with those brutes. Really, he didn't. There was plenty more to do here than fight or gamble and he intended to do it especially considering he had never seen the sights of Venice before.

He saw the man approaching out of the corner of his eye, not lifting his head from his book being that he was under the assumption that he was just coming over to tell him he was a sodomite. At the very least it wasn't olive spitting man who seemed to be the leader of any such shenanigans.

"Hey."

Antonio looked up from his spot on the ground, "hello."

"You reading a book from Firenze?"

"...I brought it from there, si."

His teeth began chewing his bottom lip once the other man sat beside him. He was brunet with small eyes and the hint of a beard on his jaw-from where Antonio was situated he had looked tall however from their training he knew that there was only one other person anywhere close to his height and it wasn't this man.

"Guiliano."

"Antonio."

"So you come from Firenze. I am from Padua. It is rank here."

_What is it he wants? _None had shown any interest in anything other than bothering him-Antonio found himself fiddling with the material of his sleeve.

"No one warned me of the smell," he admitted, feeling every like a fool which was no doubt exactly what he looked like biting his lip and yanking on his clothes.

"I am not here to poke fun at you, you know. That is Bruno's venture, not mine."

_So his name is Bruno. I will remember that. _The scowl he thought he hadn't let show must have because Guiliano burst into laughter, "you two do not get along very well."

"How could anyone? He is the most irritating man I have ever had the displeasure of meeting!"

"Perhaps that is how they make friends in Forli."

If it was he couldn't see how anyone in Forli was friends. He had briefly passed through the city on his way to Venice but he hadn't spent the night. Too many stories about thieves and cutthroats from his mother had made sure of that. It hadn't looked anything like Florence with its dark stone walls and excess of beggars which had held their hands outstretched for money but he had just run by them without giving them anything. _I should have. It is not as if I am poor. It is as the book says...I could have denied Jesus in disguise. What then? Will I go to hell for that?_

"I think you think too much," Guiliano commented.

Since when could anyone think _too much_? If anything the people here thought too little. He cleared his throat, "I wonder..."

"Do you drink? You should drink and maybe the others will seem less annoying."

It was horrible advice however he nodded, "of course I drink."

He didn't really much which just made him feel more odd but he went along with it anyway. If it would help him become friends with these people or at least make them leave him be he would do it because 6 weeks of their ire was long enough.

"We are going to the tavern so come with us. The leader put me up to this to be truthful but you are not so bad as they make you sound."

He got to his feet and Antonio opened his mouth to protest then closed it though he really wanted to know what the hell people had been saying about him that made him out to be some kind of monster.

"See you tonight then. Sunset."

"Right."

_What the hell was that? _Antonio picked up his book and went back to reading, the promise of the tavern looming over him.

He hadn't often gone to such places so the crowded tavern made him want to return to the barracks immediately. His mother had left him in charge of his younger sisters most of the time, when he wasn't doing grunt work for a couple of merchants or those who worked under nobles. _I should have spent more time with other men. If only I had had brothers. _A gulp of his beer provided him with more courage than he normally would have possessed and so he found himself entrenched in a fist fight-the exact opposite of what he had wanted to happen.

It had started out innocently enough, like any fight, with a throwaway comment by someone that had sparked a rage in him that couldn't be controlled. It was stupid and yet he punched the man in the face without a second thought. He recoiled with a loud shout, cluing Antonio into the fact that not only had he _thought_ of punching him he actually had. _Merda. _

"What the fuck is your problem, cazzo!"

"Say one more thing about me, stronzo and I will do it again!"

Bruno glared at him, holding his nose that had begun gushing blood almost immediately. He somehow managed to still talk though which was just utterly baffling, "it was a joke! What is it with you Florentines that you cannot understand humour?"

"I can understand jokes when they are actually funny!"

He didn't expect such a hard punch from such a small man. It made him stagger back into the crowd of people now gathered around them. The loud music continued, unbothered by the start of a brawl, and the courtesans still danced without stopping to look. Antonio recovered slowly thanks to the alcohol, stumbling about like, well, a drunkard, before being able to stand upright properly again. Drinking had been a bad idea-one that made him sluggish and slow enough that Bruno easily stepped out of the way of his next punch.

"If you are going to fight at least make sure you can hold your liqour, idiota," the short man smirked under his hand. His moustache and part of his beard had already been dyed nearly black by the blood from his nose but it didn't stop him from looking triumphant. _What have I done to deserve this man's irritating attention? _

Before he could try to punch him again vertigo overwhelmed him as he was yanked back by his collar.

"Enough the two of you. If you intend on fighting do it outside."

He recognized the voice as that of the man in charge of their squad-a huge brute of a man with more weight and brawn than brains. Or at least that was what it seemed like with the way he stared off into space so often with a blank expression on his chubby face. In terms of height he was the only one who matched, and outmatched, Antonio by at least a head.

"Ey, it was him who started it. Look what he did to my face!"

"Stai zitto. Have your quarrels where I do not have to listen to you. There is nothing more annoying than two women fighting over who is more beautiful."

Antonio kept his mouth shut having sobered up at least a bit at the man's booming voice however he would have to rethink his idea that the man wasn't very smart because he was at least intelligent enough to come up with stinging insults. Thoroughly chastised he offered a muttered and insincere apology. He wasn't sorry at all-in fact he was sorry he hadn't punched the asshole sooner because the way he had been hit hard enough to draw blood was quite soothing on his frayed nerves.

"Take him to the dottore since you are the one who caused the damage-and you will pay too."

_That is bullshit. Just because he is the favourite he gets away with whatever he likes. _He glowered yet kept his mouth shut again, communicating his understanding with a nod instead. As angry as he was he didn't have near enough pride to think he stood a chance against the leader nor did he want to fight a man of higher rank. After all, he didn't have a some sort of death wish.

"I am not going anywhere with this dick."

Antonio ground his teeth together but couldn't keep himself quiet any longer, "You are fucking going or you can let your nose heal wrong for all I care, bastardo."

"Fottiti."

"You fottiti."

"You both go fuck yourselves, hurry up and get out of here before I see fit to drown you in the canal," the brute shoved Antonio towards the door and then Bruno a second later, "you too."

The last person he wanted to spend any time with was this man. No matter what he said he sounded like a cocky bastard and it set Antonio's teeth on edge every time. _I do not know what I have done to make him bother me however now is a good time to ask._

He shivered at how the outside felt so cold in comparison to the interior of the tavern the moment the air hit him. If that son of a bitch hadn't made him so angry he could have been drunk, warm and hopefully at least somewhat entertained.

"What do you have against me, you piece of shit?" when he turned Bruno had already begun walking ahead but he looked back at Antonio's voice while prodding at his nose like it would help the pain.

"I have nothing against you. It is just funny how easily you get angry-that is all."

A sharp breath calmed him enough to speak, "so you are an asshole on top of being stupid. Good."

"If you are so offended then do not come around me, cazzo."

He shook his head and followed the idiot who was faster than he should have been with such short legs, "if I could do that I would not be here."

"You spend more of your time complaining like a woman than you do doing anything worthwhile."

Even if he knew that he was being baited he couldn't help but feel anger building up inside him. Who the hell did he think he was? God? He didn't have more than a second to ponder that because Bruno took off running for some reason and proved once again that small didn't mean slow.

"Wait, you idiot!"

"Is your dress too tight, madonna?" the brunet's laughter rose into the air like smoke-it sounded like a donkey attempting to laugh.

"I am not a woman!"

"I am not a woman!" came the reply in a bad falsetto.

_Why do I bother following him? Do I like being abused? _He didn't know but he did continue lagging behind him-if he died it would be his fault and he didn't think he could live with having even an annoying man's death on his shoulders. At least Venice had some sort of charm at night. The lanterns cast an orange glow on the water of the canals making them look almost appealing though he still would never swim in them no matter how hot he was and it was mercifully quiet other than when they passed by a particularly rowdy household party. Bruno knew where he was headed at least because they reached a doctor within 10 minutes-Antonio had too much pride to admit he hadn't any idea where most of anything was here for all his promises to himself that he would explore he had yet to do it.

As the doctor spoke he tuned it out, not much caring what he had to say until he named a price. An extortionate price at that. _The amount he asks for makes it seem as if I have torn his entire nose **off** not just broken it. _Although he hoped for his own coin purse that it wasn't broken. Just looking at the ugly hunk of flesh cost money never mind the actual bandaging.

"You are lucky, messere, that it is only a small break."

It was hideous already anyway. Not only was it huge there was a big bump-probably where other people had punched him-in the middle. _It is like a rocky hill. _He handed over the money anyway while Bruno smirked in a way that made him want to hit him again. _It would not be such a small break then. _The only small miracle came with the fact that the process didn't take very long with such an experienced doctor and they parted ways almost immediately after the procedure was over.

God in heaven, he didn't think it could possibly get any worse.

* * *

><p>Spoilers: It's gonna get worse. Also there will be copious use of the word stronzo in this, just fair warning.<p>

Anyway, this was originally a story I wrote for the kink meme but I cut quite a bit out, gayed up the characters a lot more, etc, on the meme so this is the unabridged version you could say. For those who read it before there'll be new adventures so to speak mixed in with the old and a couple new characters(also probably more make outs). Also I'm actually editing shit, I know, I'm surprised too. For new people(if there are any of you) I'm gonna warn you now there WILL be male/male relationships way way later because this is essentially a romance...Eventually.


	2. Chapter 2

Morning came too early and shone the sun on his face through the window until he was forced to face the fact that he had to be in the courtyard in five minutes. He had no time to eat a meal before pulling on his uniform, every bit as ugly as the first day he had donned it, then running down the stairs. The barracks had 5 floors with too many rooms to count on each one-the second building held the more senior officers and he hoped that one day he would be able to move there. After all, there were stories of great feasts and a thing called respect for comrades there. Perhaps because most of the men had grown out of their phase of making mischief. _That is what I have had heard...But I would be unsurprised if it were just as awful as here._

He attempted to blend in with the other new recruits as he walked quickly to where the patrols for newbies began however the leader saw him coming from halfway across the yard.

"Buongiorno, strong man. Nice of you to lend us your strength for the day finally."

"Mi dispiace."

"Si, si, I have had enough of your apologies. I hope you and Bruno did not kill each other last night."

It sounded odd until he realized the bastard wasn't among them, "I did nothing. He ran to wherever idiots go after I paid the dottore..."

_Maybe he fell into a canal and drowned. _If God had any mercy at all he would at least allow for the annoying man to be somewhat injured. _The bible says thou shalt not kill but it would hardly be my fault if he caused his own death. _Then again it also said treating a neighbour the way he would want to be treated was ideal.

"We will go on without him for now. If he joins us later you stronzi have my permission to push him into a canal."

Antonio had every intention of taking him up on that offer especially after last night. Obviously they had very lax rules on who could enlist if people like that could so easily be accepted-_there is no way that we will ever be able to work as a team and if anyone believes that we will they must have some sort of madness in their head. _

As he marched through the city, or at least part of it, he found that what he could see of the horses of Saint Mark seemed less intimidating and more friendly if such a thing could even be possible. They felt like comrades to him as they stood on guard in the piazza which he knew was a foolish sentiment but one he had none the less despite finding most of the horses he had ridden to be demons. It wasn't as if he had yet to see the pizza or the basilica however the more it sunk in that he was a part of the guard force here the more he found himself in awe of Venice's beauty. If he stayed in the piazza seeing the good was easy though. It was in other places rife with canals and other guards lounging about as if on holiday that seeing the positives became difficult. _There is no need for all of these canals. Firenze does fine with only one river, why must Venice try to have more than they need? It is as if the stories are true-it is a place of wealth...Although it is a stupid man who thought more water was a good idea, we are on a damn island there is water enough already. _

They followed a winding line that took them through San Marco and up to San Polo, keeping vigilant or at least somewhat interested in upholding the law in spite of the weather cooling. With the colder temperatures would come shorter days and while he had no issue with being out at night in a group he did not enjoy tempting fate by wandering about by himself. _They say Venice is a peaceful place but I do not wish to take any chances with my safety. My mother would be inconsolable if that happened. _Which reminded him he still had to write her a letter this week.

"Do you plan on spending the entire day gaping at the scenery or will you look out for criminals, cazzo?" the words were punctuated with the sound of the man they belonged to dropping to the floor beside him.

_Why does he come to me? I punched him in the face and now he comes back as if there is nothing wrong. Is he some kind of idiot? Or is this how they truly do make friends in Forli? _He glared at him, "I am looking."

"Like a fish does, maybe."

Before they could start another fight the leader stepped in front of him, "look who it is. Did you have a good nap, Bruno? Get in line."

_I will push him into the first canal I see. I do not know how he is able to get away with so many things-he is the least charming man I have ever met. _Antonio glowered at him when he fell into step with him.

"What do you want?" he muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

"To see how long it will take until I can make you go home."

"What is your problem? What does it matter to you that I am here?" his voice raised almost to a yell before he managed to lower it again.

Bruno shrugged, "there is something about you that bothers me, that is all."

_What kind of reason is that? Just last night he said he did it for fun and now this? I suppose he is fond of lying as well. _He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself but it didn't work as well as he would have hoped. _I have done nothing to him and yet he acts as if I am someone who has personally offended him. It is stupid. _Antonio crossed his arms over his chest and tried to ignore him but Bruno was not an easy person to block out. He yawned loudly for one, liked to comment on most every woman they passed for another. After last night's outburst though Antonio refused to let him have the satisfaction of knowing that he was annoyed or angry. For the rest of their shift-a whole 20 minutes- he managed to keep his mouth shut, relying on grunts to communicate with anyone else who wanted to speak with him which was limited to Guiliano.

"They say they are planning on transferring me to the rooftops because I am doing so well with archery."

He hadn't even known that that was an option though the way he did with archery there would be no way for him to get that deal too. In fact he was so bad at everything including a weapon that during the 3rd weekend session the arms master had said he should try using a lance instead so that no enemies would be able to get close enough to run him through. He didn't know why there would be enemies around to stab him anyway but he knew better to question the arms master.

"You plan on doing it?"

"Of course. Spend all day on the rooftops doing nothing? It sounds like an easy living to me," Guiliano grinned, "I do not think you will be making that transition, amico."

"No, nor do I..."

"I third that. This son of a bitch is about the worst fighter I have ever seen and I have seen many shit fighters before."

_No one asked you, bastard. _He turned his head to say as much but remembered his original plan and aimed to shove him into the water. He missed. Spectacularly so. Before he could yell in protest he splashed into the canal, water overwhelming him easily until he struggled back to the surface.

"Che cazzo, stronzo!"

The others were laughing now-his face would have burned more from embarrassment if he hadn't been so damn cold and now smelly. Fernando the leader reached down to grab his arm to yank him out, although he wasn't sure if it was an act of mercy or pity. With his help though he managed to scramble out of the water to dry land. _What is his problem? He deserved to be in the water, not me. _Antonio sputtered a few times in a vain attempt to clear his lungs of Venice's dirty water then forced himself to his feet to shove the piece of shit that had made him fall into the water in the first place.

"Ey! It is your fault you are slow, not mine!" he shoved back.

If his aim really was to make Antonio go back home he was doing a good job of it because he wanted to go home immediately. He wouldn't, though. He would stay in this hell hole until he couldn't bear it anymore because the asshole wasn't allowed to be happy with his handiwork.

He still tried to punch him anyway. Somehow he missed. Somehow. It was a miracle-certainly the brunet wasn't good at anything so he couldn't have used some sort of dodging skill.

"You are the one who deserves to be thrown into the water!"

He shrugged, "looks like I am not."

"You two get out of here-I am tired of listening to you. Maybe while you are walking back to the barracks together you can also discuss what kinds of flowers will look best in your hair."

Guiliano snorted. For once Antonio agreed with Bruno and scowled at the comment. He was grateful for the break, however, so he said nothing before turning on his heel to head back to his room. It would take awhile, carrying the stench with him would be the worst part of the trip he thought. The other man seemed to agree because as soon as they were out of sight of the leader he took off.

"H-Hey! We are supposed to be going back to the barracks!"

"You go then, smelly!"

"I am not getting..." he trailed off having lost sight of him completely. _If he gets me in trouble as well I will not forgive him. What kind of a man disobeys orders so easily? _It didn't matter, he returned to his room and changed out of his clothes finding that he still reeked even in his other clothing. _I suppose I will have to take a bath..._All he needed was people avoiding him because of the stench as well.

The body plummeted to the earth and landed with a loud crunch at his feet. Even before anyone could shout blood pooled around its head, legs and arms facing in all directions like some sort of imitation of a pinwheel. Antonio could only stare as he stepped back from the puddle of blood making a path for his boots. Its eyes seemed to fixate on him.

"Big surprise as to who has never seen a dead body before!" the taunting broke through the wall of numbness that had enclosed him but he still stayed rooted to his spot.

The screams of the citizens rang in his ears.

"Do you not have dead people in Firenze?"

"Fuck off," he muttered, eyes still trained on the dead man until Fernando grabbed him by the arm and yanked him away.

"You, go up there and see what happened. You, shut those people up," Antonio barely saw the finger jabbing at the crowd had formed, his mind not wrapping around the fact that he was meant to calm them. When he got shoved in their direction he blinked and opened his mouth to give them some sort of explanation. But no words came.

"Ey, there is no one up here! Idiot probably fell taking a shortcut!" he hadn't noticed that the irritating man had even climbed up to the rooftop overlooking the Piazza di San Marco. After seeing the carnage caused by someone falling from such a building Antonio found he couldn't wish it on anyone. Even if that man made him angrier than anyone he had met here so far.

"Who would be stupid enough to take a shortcut on the rooftops, stronzo?" he yelled up to him. What kind of idiot even did that?

"I did not say I was an expert, bastardo, only that my theory is that!"

_The assassino? Could he have done it? _His eyes scanned the roofs of the buildings-there was no way he could have gotten anywhere near the Doge's palazzo but the others were accessible to anyone if Bruno could climb them.

"You think the assassin did it."

He nearly punched him in the face for sneaking up on him but considering how their berets had been traded for helmets that would have been a bad idea. All he needed was to break his hand on the asshole's face.

"You have heard that he is in Venezia, why would you not?"

"Because you worry more than my mother," a pat on the back marked the last of their social interaction for the moment because Bruno turned away from him and started discussing a dice game with one of the other men. After the rather sparse amount of official training they had split up into groups of four rather than eight. Antonio, Bruno and 2 others had the morning patrol which everyone else but him complained about.

They sent Bruno ahead-infuriatingly enough with Antonio lagging behind him-to fetch a doctor and priest for the dead man even though a crowd of guards had accumulated along with civilians. _Why me? We do not even get along and they force me to run behind him like some sort of dog? _

"Stop running so quickly!"

"It is not my fault you wore so much armour you cannot run properly!" he turned around even, jogging backwards as if to taunt his slow pace even more. "And what are you trying to prove with that spear?"

"I have nothing to prove! For a man who tells me I think of men too much you are very preoccupied with my pene," Antonio smirked triumphantly at his comeback. He had him this time.

"Not particularly. I know you would like it if I was like you because I am so handsome," he stroked his beard. Antonio had to admit he was somewhat impressed by his ability to multitask.

"I hope you get lice in that stupid beard!"

"I hope you get lice on your dick!" Bruno turned around again and turned on the speed, shooting through the crowd like a damn animal.

_I hope **you** get lice on your dick..._He glared at his back like it would help his frustration. What the hell did this asshole have against him? No matter where he went, what he said Bruno always showed up with a stupid, smug smile on his face. What kind of a man did that?

"Do you even know where you are going?" he yelled up to him a couple of moment later. Annoying or not they had a job to do and Antonio intended to do it to the best of his ability-perhaps that way if the captain saw how hard he worked he could get transferred to a squad that didn't include the people currently in his.

"Of course, lice dick!"

"Fucking wait, pubic face!"

His chest was heaving from exertion, the armour that protected him more of a hindrance than anything else now. He would have missed it in the case of a fight however considering how he was everyone's errand boy today he wished for nothing else but to yank it all off and dive into one of the canals. _I would not even mind the smell_. Bruno stopped, then returned to him if only to laugh at how he bent over breathing heavily as an old man would. He had requested it, he had brought it upon himself yet he kind of wished he hadn't now-the others certainly got along fine without. _But if the assassin comes I will be the only to survive._

"You are stupid to wear all that armour."

"Assassin. Might...fight," he wheezed out. People were staring, he could feel their eyes on him. He tried not to care.

"The assassino? You believe that shit? So you are an idiot who listens to tall tales as well. What _do _you have going for you, cazzo, other than your face?"

_What is he saying about my face! _"Va-Vaffanculo! It is better to err on the side of caution."

Pain shot through his side-_why is my body so much of a failure-_ and his hand went to the spot as he straightened up. It wasn't that he didn't want to keep going, he was just certain that he couldn't. He waved the other man away. "Go on without me."

"And look like a deserter? Nice try, tiny dick, but we both know the punishment for leaving your comrades behind."

"Shut up about my dick, stronzo, it is bigger than you can imagine!" he would show him if that weren't such an odd thought to have. He shook his head to clear it from his mind. The only person who would be seeing what hung between his legs was a woman. And only a woman.

"If you have enough breath to make up lies you can keep running, you lazy bastard," Bruno started off at a jog, manoeuvring around a group of people and then was nearly lost in the crowd. It was all he could do not to try and catch him and throttle him. _Lazy bastard? He is the one who leans against every wall he can find, sleeps on rooftops and is late for patrol every morning! And yet I am the lazy one? Son of a bitch..._The other man couldn't be caught, though. Not by him anyway and he had to settle with again tailing after him like some sort of hanger on. _And now I look like the one who is lazy. If I was not so preoccupied with being angry at this asshole I would be nervous about the captain thinking I am as lazy as the rest of them. _

They arrived at the doctor's soon enough and then set off for the priest but something gave him pause as they ran through the streets.

"Wait, you son of a whore!"

"What, can't keep up?" he stopped anyway though to turn and come back, "Or did the Florentine think he saw a handsome face?"

"Shut the fuck up. Something is not right here."

He bit his lip, chewed on it being a more accurate description as he inspected the area around them. They had been taking mostly side alleys and claustrophobic "short cuts" but now that they stood on a main street he found himself uneasy. Something wasn't right. He didn't know _what _only that it was. He gripped his lance tighter and strode towards the cart of hay off to one side of the street. Without a word he stabbed the spear into the hay, getting no response as it was hay and not living however when he yanked back the lance without any sign of something hiding in it his anxiousness receded slightly.

"If you want to stick your dick into things do it on your own time."

_Someone is watching us..._His stomach well and truly began turning at the realization. It felt like eyes on him. He backed away from the cart to turn to Bruno who tapped his foot impatiently.

"Someone is here."

"Si, this is a city. Hurry up, I am tired of waiting for you."

They reached the priest without further incident though he still couldn't shake the feeling that they had been close to danger. _I should not have said anything to that bastard. Now he will tell everyone I have women's intuition..._ He sighed. Oh well, it could have ended worse, he supposed. Or at least that was what he told himself until Bruno whispered something to the priest that had him telling Antonio about the sin of sodomy. _Next time we are in danger I will leave him behind. And then he will be sorry._

* * *

><p>Che cazzo= what the fuck<p>

Vaffanculo= fuck you but I'll try to keep the random in Italian insults to a minimum.

Obviously this story is not 100% historically accurate ha ha...The "intuition" that Antonio has in that one scene is a reference to how seekers can tell Ezio from citizens, they check hiding spots, etc. Bruno is an agile of course. Also, the events of the fic aren't necessarily taking place one day after the next. The first few things obviously did but there will be a few time skips just because their story is meant to take place over five years. I'll say when a major one has occurred just so there's no confusion as to why suddenly everyone's BEST FRIENDS FOREVER or something.


End file.
